If I am totally honest, part of the reason that I went to
seminary was to learn enough about the Bible so that I could feel like I could
defend myself, my sexuality, to those people who were telling me that I was an
abomination in the eyes of God. I spent most of my life feeling like there was
the word of God, which I was told was extremely clear on issues of
homosexuality, and then there was me.
I was a Christian, but I just did not feel like I belonged
in the body of Christ. I always felt
like the promises of God’s grace and love were for other people. Those people who were straight. As a
teenager, and young adult, I had a ravenous appetite for devouring scripture. I
read the Bible with desperation of someone starving for acceptance. When
reading the Bible did not yield the answer that I so deeply wanted, that I was
loved by God despite my sexuality, I pursued graduate theological studies.
I read every book that I could find that talked about sex
and marriage and love in the Bible. I
learned Greek and Hebrew, so that I could read scripture in its original
language, hoping against hope that I would find what I was looking for. I
engaged professors and fellow students in energetic discussions, arguing with
every person throughout my life who told me that I did not belong. I joined
progressive Christian communities, and I even preached the radical love and
acceptance of God, but I struggled to believe it could be true for me.
Around this same time, I met the love of my life, my partner
Katrina. Our love is a glorious thing and it is through this beautiful
relationship, that I have come to know God’s love for me as a queer woman. As I
wept bitterly that I was graduating with my Master’s of Divinity degree and
still did not have definitive proof that I was loved by God, she simply said,
“God has created us and our love for one another, and it is good. Because how can something so beautiful as our
love be anything but from God?”
I am created in God’s image, including my orientation
towards intimate partnership with another woman, and it is good. I have read
the Bible cover to cover multiple times, I know the history of sexuality in the
Bible and in the ancient near east and the Greco-Roman world, and yet, I never
dared to believe I was loved by God until I dared to be loved by a woman.
I could argue all day about why homosexuality as we know it
now, as a consensual, loving relationship between two adults simply did not
exist in the past. I could argue that the Bible contradicts itself and that at
the center is love and acceptance. But that will never be enough, because
“knowledge puffs up, but love builds up.” (1 Corinthians 8:1) It is love that
changes everything.
To those of you who are wondering if God loves you because
you are gay or trans or genderqueer, the answer is yes! To those of you who have never heard that you
are loved by God’s people and that you belong in the body of Christ, you do! If
you will let me, this queer Lutheran pastor will never stop telling you that
you are made in God’s image and that you are loved by God and by me and by so
many others who follow Jesus. Because how can anything so beautiful as you be
anything but from God?
No comments:
Post a Comment